Summer again
Thursday April 12th 2007, 2:32 pm
just got back from the province. the vacation was too short but somehow i was able to unwind. now, my dilemma is if im gonna finish my remaining units so i’d graduate this summer or should i rest, find a temporary job and work my thesis out at the same time. hmmm. i’d rather choose the former but fate seems to favor the latter. argghh. im so confused.
the reason i went back to my ole town is that i might bump into some ole friends and maybe i’ll find my ole self in them because realized i lost it somtime last year. i’ve been trying to find it for quite a long time but to no avail. well, did i finally find it? not sure. maybe a little bit of it. but not the whole thing. i think people i’ve recently seen found me quite odd (or peculiar for i’ve been acting like a fool.) i did miss them but i miss my ole self more so they might find me selfish or unfriendly or simply peculiar. im so desperate to find it because it has a character i need to be able to survive my current crazy situation.
i’ve been contemplating a lot about my life recently. and reality frustrates me so much i wanted to give up. i might sound really selfish (so selfish it is i dont give a damn) but i really want to demand so much from this world for i feel so deprived of a lot of things. there are times when we think we deserve more than what we get. but looking closer at the situation, we might realize that we indeed deserve what we’ve got.
it’s really crazy thinking about life, relationships, and matters like friendship (which i further complicate because of reading the Nicomachean ethics’ book about friendship, that’s books 8 and 9). now, i’ve been sorting my friends based on the intention like those based on utility, on pleasure and pure goodness. i found most of my friendships were (and are) based on utility. user-friendly as they say (im referring to the kind of friendship not the people for i know people have reasons why they do so).
i myself is guilty of that friendship based on utility. for even happiness (which is what i constantly long for) can become a good itself (i mean commodity) whenever i demand my friends to bring me some.but there are also friendships based on virtue which i can be proud of. they are the ones that lasted longer than the others and demanded less. and what the heck am i talking about? i just love making things complicated. hey, it’s summertime. i should relax and just enjoy the heat of the sun. toi toi toi
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