yesterday

anger
was
almost
synonymous with fear.
in oblivion,
i was lost.
.
hope soared
high up the red sky.
my soul
lamented that evening,
sucking the mild punches
of the crippling cold wind
as the last star
disappeared from the horizon.
.
i closed
my eyes as
the last pill
slid
down my throat.
.
i waited.
.
it took a while
for the pangs of death to kick in.
finally, game over.

khmerischic boutique

hi guys!

i have finally uploaded photos on my business site, www.khmerischicboutique.multiply.com, which i started building last year when my first goodies arrived. i have been busy with work and studies back then that's why i havent finished the site though i managed to sell all the goodies. now, another batch of khmer goodies (table cloths, table runners, pillow cases, pashmina scarves, bags and headbands) arrived. i just updated the site a little and uploaded some photos. you may want to check the stuff out.

happy spring break!

lei

shame on me

it's like dying a thousand deaths--

letting go of something precious,

something new that has just become part of me.

it's like having both my legs amputated,

that i couldn't help but beg

and pray that He would sprinkle a little miracle.

it's like a little girl having her only doll stolen,

like a chain smoker forever losing his lighter,

like a bee lost in a flowerless desert,

like a beggar tossing away his last coin,

and the list could go on.

they could not capture though

how painful it is for me to let go

of my precious find.

it's more potent than the priest's wine,

sweeter than the sweetest dessert i've ever tasted,

more addictive than a morphine.

yes, you have become my latest addiction,

my favorite mistake,

my choice of sin,

and we've only just begun

to find you too soon gone.

but if it's the right thing to do,

i should have to let go of you

even if it takes a lifetime to get over you.

My First Rose

i was checking my old email account when i chanced upon an old email sent to me by a friend way back in 2001. it's a free verse and i really like it. dunno who wrote it though.

*****  MY FIRST ROSE  *****
>
>
>The sunlight shone with suspended dust
>particles
>as it illuminated my
>skin.
>I watched in awe, as a leaf cascaded from a
>branch and executed,
>gracefully,
>a lovemaking dance with it before it
>finally
>kissed the supple cheeks of
>the earth.
>A hidden chirp was chirping a song from
>among
>the arms of a nearby tree.
>Unlike Josh, I need not understand it to
>appreciate it.
>I stood up and brushed short blades of
>grass off
>my jeans. Stuffing my
>cold
>hands in my jeans pocket, I took steps,
>moving
>to the motion of leaving.
>"Kathy", I heard him whisper. I knew he was
>there. I saw him come in the
>iron gates. But I never expected him to
>call me
>as if he wanted to have
>anything to do with me again.
>We spent quiet mornings together, shared
>warm
>laughter. Built
>sandcastles.
>Embraced our dreams.
>That was way back. When he was still my
>best
>friend. It was my fault, I
>guess. Eventually, what started out as
>friendship turned into something
>deeper for me. I felt more for Josh, and
>because
>of such, I wanted more
>from
>him. I clung onto him as if he was a
>long-lost
>teddy bear. Josh is a man
>like no other. He sensed what was going on
>inside of me...
>One morning, I woke up to find him turning
>his
>back, perhaps not on our
>friendship, but to that thing I wanted to
>become
>of us.
>As we went on about our own ways, I watched
>him
>go on wonderfully
>without
>me, and with that, I watched myself as my
>life
>fell apart without him.
>He never noticed me. Not since then. And I
>am so
>taken aback now that
>he's
>here. His eyes were sad as he walked
>towards me,
>but I could breathe in
>overwhelming calmness from it. He took a
>few
>more heartbeats before he
>stopped just a breath from me, as if
>measuring
>his steps unsurely.
>He looked at me the way I always wanted him
>to,
>for the very first time
>in
>my life. His eyes were casting heavy
>glances on
>my every fiber, saying
>things I've always imagined him say in my
>dreams.
>I smiled. Silently thanking him for coming.
>Meekly stretching out an
>arm,
>holding open for him to touch. But I
>hesitated,
>and stuffed my hands
>back
>in
>my jeans pocket. Foolish me.
>He smiled back, such sweet smile was the
>only
>hint of color on his face.
>He breathed in so heavenly, seeming to
>catch my
>scent with his sense to
>keep
>it within him to remember.
>Closing his eyes, a furrow finding its path
>on
>his brows, he pulled out,
>from behind him, a single white rose.
>For me?
>Are you sure? I wanted to ask him.
>All my days and nights I stared at him like
>he
>was a lost star. Every
>single
>heartbeat, I spent nurturing my seemingly
>pointless endearment of him.
>My
>diary is still stained with every tear I've
>shed
>for this man.
>Now he's here. Holding out a single white
>rose.
>For me?
>For me.
>A tear warmed my face as the cold wind
>lapped on
>my skin.
>Lifting the flower to his lips, he gave a
>soul
>with his kiss.
>"I wish you all the sweet things you
>deserve",
>he said gently, almost
>whispering, lowering the flower on the
>softness
>of the grass.
>As he knelt on the ground above me, he
>never
>noticed me. Not till then.
>And
>I am so taken aback, that among the stones
>within this quiet green, he
>walked over and recognized me, after so
>long.
>And he came over to give
>me
>something I never had when I was living.
>As I felt myself ascend to the sky, the
>wind is
>cradling me in its soft
>arms, I watched Josh from above.
>I saw the tears escape his eyes before he
>even
>caught his face with his
>hands.
>I saw him break down, the way I did the day
>he
>left me. Now I'm leaving
>him,
>and I guess he finally learned how it hurts
>to
>lose one's best friend.
>I saw his shoulders heave with mourning as
>he
>traced a finger on my
>flower.
>The flower carries with me through this
>unfamiliar journey.
>I lived my life loving Josh.
>I lived my life unloved.
>But it's like being reborn.
>When he came forth today.
>It's sad it had to take my death for Josh
>to
>come back.
>it's sad it had to take my death for him to
>give
>me a single white rose.
> My first Rose....

spring

it's been a while since i last wrote here. mostly, i wrote out of dismay, frustration, anger. venting out all the negativities as if writing about them would lift them out of my system. well, it somehow worked. ive chanced upon this "law of attraction" and tried practicing it for sometime now. it was awesome. working things out for me.

yesterday, i was deflored. (couldnt find a better term). i didnt plan to give it up that easy but i think somewhere in my being was asking for it. and so i got it. now, im kinda scared of anything that would sprout from it. but im also scared to end this blooming affair too soon.

do you know a band who could...

...perform at a function in makati (on second week of feb)? preferably one who can play standard songs. message me at 09208976944

01 nov 08 at Daet, CN

Holloween 08 at Naga city

happy 2009!

havent been around online for a while. been busy :D will upload hundreds of pics and dozens of video when i find time. :D
 happy holidays people! (late as usual!)  :))