when it rain, it purrrs

two poor pussy kitties found dead
made my sad day a mourn day
but what can i do?
this cruel world loves making me suffer :(

ich rutsch tiefer in dem Sessel und fühl mich benommen

hayyyy, i was like that the whole day. felt like a falling star without anywhere to crash into. :( my mood swings worsens each day. haven't been doing the transcendental meditation and the yoga that i desperately need. and ugh, i don't need inspiration, i need motivation from within. i'm now at my lowest point again. probably because i'm tired, hungry, and sad? naah, i boot the pc at midnight, checked on mails, found another letter from sedona.com with this header : “Positive Thinking” Actually Fails. guess what? i've been struggling to be more optimistic and forget about pessimism since i've seen that secret stuff (wanna see it again though) and now what? (if you wanna see the article, here is the link : http://www.sedona.com/lp-day52_fs.aspx) okay, somehow it had pacified me. here are the words of Hale Dwoskin:

When I was in my early 20s, I was extremely shy. I couldn’t approach women, I had no idea how to properly introduce myself to strangers, let alone make small talk. I’d heard that positive affirmations and “happy thoughts” could bury my fears and help me build the confidence I needed. I was certain that if I told myself I was great in a crowd, I would be great in a crowd. So, for months on end, I walked around all day long repeating over and over in my head, “I am highly pleasing to myself in the presence of other people.” In the meantime, I forgot to stop repeating and start living.

Instead of propelling my social life into the next dimension, my record-player thoughts played again and again in my head and I felt completely ridiculous! My quiet self-talk actually reminded me that I was SHY instead of helping me to overcome it. I didn’t need a positive self-talk mantra to overcome shyness. I didn’t need to pile more thoughts on top of the limiting thoughts I already had. I needed to LET GO of my shy thoughts. It was then that I learned The Sedona Method.

I learned The Sedona Method quickly and easily and finally learned how to release the limiting thoughts and emotions that actually made me shy. I learned to LET GO of my shyness, permanently, and now I speak before large groups as part of my job!

Positive thinking takes an immense amount of effort and, for most people, it doesn’t even work! It only covers the negative thoughts with positive ones and can still leave you crying on the inside. You’ve probably been around someone who smiles on the outside while screaming on the inside. It’s hard to be around those people; they send a real mixed message to others.

Imagine that your subconscious mind is a barrel. This barrel has a golden lining representing our unlimited potential. This golden lining is covered by a bunch of rotten apples that represent our limiting emotions: apathy, grief, fear, lust, anger, and pride. Even if you covered the golden lining over with good apples (happy thoughts and happy feelings), what would eventually happen to the apples? They would ROT.

I recommend emptying the barrel so you can discover the golden lining that is already present and available in your life at this very moment. You can’t see it because your apples, bad and good, have buried you under. Remove them by letting go of your limiting thoughts, feelings and beliefs and your thinking, feeling and life experience will be a thousand times more positive, with not a rotten apple in sight.

As you work with this simple process in your life, you will find that with less effort you will have a more positive mental attitude and your life will reflect this. You will finally start to have, be or do what you have always desired.

haay, somehow it relieved me. life is what we make it. i've covered myself with lotsa rotten apples, now i smell like rotten apples. i wonder what to do with these rotten apples. any suggestion?

hey you, here's what really happened

"you are my sweetest downfall

i loved you first, i loved you first

beneath the sheet of paper lies my truth

i have to go, i have to go"

grasping for breath after climbing down two flights of stairs, i paused and paced myself. like a cat, i sashayed silently down the last steps with my hands sliding the freshly varnished wooden banister. some noise from the kitchen caught my attention. i saw your mom looking at my direction, pointing me to you. quickly i spun around and started rushing upstairs. i had a hard time pushing against the cool wind up but i had to try with all the strength left with me. alas, i wasn't fast enough. you then stood in front of me. 'i'm trapped!', i said to myself. tired and exhausted, i sat down at the foot of the bed, still facing you, barely moving. i sat there staring at your face, waiting for the first word to come out of your mouth as you lean back on a wooden cabinet. suddenly, i realized i was wearing your pyjamas and we're in your room. it was really embarrassing, i can no longer look at you then so i just looked down. then you started talking. i was amazed that we're both thinking the same thing. we really needed to talk. after all those years, the years we wasted not talking, it seems that we quite missed a great deal of things. leaning down to the bed sideways as my feet were still touching the floor, i uttered my first words. when my head reached the bed i looked at you again and noticed that you were wearing pyjamas too. i then started saying the things that i've been meaning to tell you. you then crawled on the bed, finding a spot behind me while you were saying surprising things. things that i never thought you would say but thank God you finally said them. then your voice gradually faded away. darn, i was trying hard to go back to sleep. i wanna hear the rest of it. but i can't and and darn it's 9am! i have a breakfast meeting with pammy. i tried to ring her number but i only got 'the number you dialed is not yet assigned' voice prompt. so i turned on the pc to chikka (ad! :P) her only to find you online. oh great! you know the rest of the story.

way back into love

I've been living with cobwebs overhead,
I've been sleeping with clothes all over my bed,
I've been messy for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on.

I've been hiding all my cokes and creams away,
Just in case I ever eat them again someday,
I've been setting aside dime,
To clear a little space in the corners of my room!

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it true without a way back into love.

I've been shining but the shoes refuse to shine,
I've been driving but i just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to fix my light,
Not a candle to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my eyes again,
I guess I'm hoping my room's spick and span in the end!

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!