what's so special about 2008?

"Hay salamat sa Diyos, haluy ku ng hinahalat ang apud mu. Nuarin mu aku iimbitaran na magdiyan?" (Thank God, I've been waiting for your call. When are you gonna invite me over?) -- That was Nanay's (my grandmother) opening spiel when I called her yesterday. It was a little hard responding in Bicol in Tagalog accent "Ahm, hehehehe, ano po, dae man po matutuloy ta nagkaproblema po ay" (Uhm, hehe, it will not gonna push through because there was a probem). "Bakin, anung problima?" (Why, what's the problem?). I need a little white lie again "Dae po kaya na-credit ang saro kong subject" (One of my subjects was not credited). "Anung sabjek baga itu.?" (What subject is it?) Oops, I didn't expect she would ask. "IT 100 po." It's true that it wasn't credited but I already wrote the Vice Chancellor last year. "Sabi ni Angkul Gener mu, ito daw na thesis. Anu baga itu?" (Your Uncle Gener said it was the thesis. What is it?) Tumpak. That was the real reason why I will not be gaduating this semester or this year. I really wanted to graduate this academic year for one, I don't wanna write the Vice Chancellor again for MRR approval. And for another, it's the University's Centennial, come on, I'm pretty sure that this year's University graduation is going to be so special. :D

Sigh.

I’m thinking, if I chose to not accept the job I have now and just focus on my thesis at the start of this semester, would I be marching this April? I promised my grandmother that I'm going to march this April. She said she wanted to attend the graduation but I didn't know that she'd really look forward to it. How many times did she send me money for my tuition fee? Thinking about that, it makes me feel really awful. I've been in the university for so long that this huge campus shrunk to be my small tambayan. My batch mates are now working. Some have finished their master’s degree already. And some are starting their own family. Whew. Not to mention - I'm getting old!

Not being able to get what you wanted makes you wanna scream so loud until your throat tightens so hard that it could not allow the air to pass through it. I do want to graduate. But I think I'm more afraid of what comes after the graduation – the real world and GREATER EXPECTATIONS from the people that you don't want to let down. And I never wanted anybody to expect much from me because I never want to let anybody down. It pressures me. It uninspires me. It makes me want to just stop.

And so here I am, stuck in the space between failure and success. I'm just a step away from graduating in college. All I need is to finish the thesis that I started three years ago. Only that it was not approved last semester so I had to start from the scratch again. What has happened? Well, I guess it's just a little drawback from taking a course that's not even my inclination.

But now I’m beginning to see why fate has taken me to the doorsteps of the School of Library and Information Studies (then the Institute of Library and Information Science) few Junes back (I mean years back!). I have this insatiable thirst for information. I think I really belong here. So, bitterness aside, I wanted to greet all the graduates of 2008 a CongraDulations, Mabuhay ka kabataang Pinoy! Be brave to stay hungry and foolish! (“Stay hungry. Stay Foolish” from Steve Jobs, CEO, chairman and co-founder of Apple Inc.) Let the world see how great we Filipinos are. And to Nanayski – magraduate din po ako, don’t worry. :D soon! Again, CongraDulations...


huhuhu - bitterness aside daw
uhm, tears of joy ;p