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it was friday. pam and i were in the library, borrowing books, when i got a message from my aunt asking me to come over her office before lunch that day. i said yes (coz that means free lunch and it's been a while since i promised to drop by her office but i hadnt.) then another text message came, she said "punta tayo kay ate v" so i assumed we're gonna go out. fun fun fun.

so i was in her office. it was a fine day and i was happy happy happy. we chatted for like 2 hours updating each other on some stuff. then my uncle came to her office too just in time for lunch. going to the canteen, i walked a few steps before them. after pushing the door, i started searching for ate v in the canteen but couldnt find her so i assume we're gonna meet up with her later.

they waited impatiently for me to finish my meal. then we hurried to go to ate v's. she's who we turn to whenever we buy CMD. im wondering how many packs we're gonna buy that day or is there another health talk? i didnt bother asking as i got time anyways. so my aunt and uncle were talking about their new house as we reached the visayas ave. i didnt know ate v moved to a new house. there must be a house blessing. then we walked over to mt. carmel parish (is that how u call it?) i thought it's the shortcut to the house. now, my aunt was telling about ate v joining the prex (im not a catholic so i wish i spelled it correctly) while we stopped on the small building next to the church. as we climb up the stairs, i was thinking to myself "is ate v this busy that we need to drop by here to get the items?"

on the door, i noticed the pews, then the foot of the coffin. i thought "does a prex also comfort people on wakes?" another step and i saw her picture right beside the coffin. i halted. my heart stopped. i felt strange. my aunt looked at me "didnt your mom tell u?" i gasped "no"

"i thought you said you chat with her yesterday"

"yes, but she didnt mention it"

"i also texted your brother, didnt he tell you?"

"no"

"why didnt you tell me earlier?"

"you didnt ask"

strange as everything was, i didnt ask, my aunt didnt tell me. im not superstitious but i believe things happen for a reason. ate v was only 50 years old. my parents are both a year younger. the day ate v died, 18 aug 08, was the last time my dad and i fought. i posted something i shouldnt that day here. when i checked it, i freaked out. as i approached her casket, i asked silently "ate v, ba't mo naman po ako ginood time?" i really couldnt breathe the whole time i was there. we spoke with her daughter the entire time. she's the youngest of the three and only a year younger than me. i cant imagine myself in her shoes. would i be that strong? i dont wanna find out. it was really hard to believe i still fear death.

going back to my aunt's office, i couldnt hold it anymore. i let go of the tears i was holding back the whole time we're at the wake.

i couldnt sleep that night though i hadnt slept the night before. i tried to watch tv. finally, at 11pm, i was able to sleep. then i woke up at 2am, 4am and 6am. i decided to get up at 7am. it's ate v's funeral. it still hadnt sinked in. she'll surely be missed.

it's been a while since i attended a funeral. she's a family friend and i felt the responsibily of asuming my mom's position so i went with my aunt. it was in bulacan but i didnt complain though we spent most of the time on the road. good thing it only rained when we're on our way home already. im spending the long weekend at my aunt's place.