i knew she was waiting but i cant find any reason to greet her. i used to make all the efforts to send the message of my appreciation to her motherhood (even though she doesnt really deserve it since she really wanted me aborted in the first place and she's kinda allergic to me) ever since i can remember but all the efforts just went to waste. aside from the material things she gave me and the 9 months she was obliged to carry me in her womb, there is not a trace of motherhood in her. (oh i forgot the nags!)
the telephone rang to wake me up this morning. i was informed that she just came back home for a short vacation (she's now working in cambodia). i wansnt home that's why they called me just to let me know so i could get my ass home to save my cats from getting evicted. disgusted by the annoying news, i delayed my plan of going home. if not for the cats, i wouldnt come home.
people who doesnt know me or my story would really hate me and see me as the worse, worthless, ungrateful child. but what can i do, i was raised to become what i am now (i'm really struggling to change for the better though). probably i'm just fed up of being ignored, unloved, disrespected, humiliated, degraded, unwanted so i'm throwing it back to the source (or sources). i really envy those who have beautiful, loving, caring and understanding parents. it has been a dream for me to have such wonderful set of ugh which i think will just remain a dream. so to those who have wonderful parents, please treasure them, you are so lucky to have them. dont mind my rubbish sentiments.
2 comments:
ouch.
hehehe.
wah!!!!!!!!! i don't know what to say.
yah. im really lucky my mom is not allergic to me.
hehe.
hugs!
yes ouch. the thing i hate so much about myself is that i forgive people quite easily (even without them asking for it). just to be fair, i think somehow she's trying to have at least a trace of motherhood naman since she bought me a pasalubong (an act of bribery?) - a skirt that is 2 sizes smaller (uhm, she never knew my size) and i really appreciate that. i spoke with her today, mostly about my new business. but im hoping that things will get better between us. and yes, lucky you so make your mom feel real special every single day :) mwahugs (hope i can practice what i preach - "make her feel special")
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